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Thread: the coming of pioneer 1

  1. #1
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    Default the coming of pioneer 1

    Okay, well this bad story is about when pioneer 1 first came to ragol, the explosion etc.

    Chapter 1: Trooper 104
    Trooper 104 walked slowly down the bridge of pioneer 1, absorbing every little detail of the hull. "Commander, we are approaching Ragol," he said.
    "excellent," replied Commander Reeli. "When can we send down the first few troops, to make sure the place is secure?"
    "Probably in 20-25 minutes, Commander."
    Commander Reeli was not the kind of man you messed with, at all thought trooper 104. He killed his own wife when he figured out she had an affair with another man. He walked back towards his dormitory, where all the soliders had to sleep. Being a solider wasn't an easy life.

    "Well, if it isn't Devin."
    "huh? oh, it's you, Jed. Don't sneak up on me like that, you know with all this training, that sort of thing could have gotten you shot," said Devin.
    Aw, you woulden't shoot me, Devin," retorted Jed.
    Devin glared back at his friend. "Well maybe it would be better that way, considering you scare me every few minutes!"
    Jed stopped smiling and started looking very serious indeed, which was not common for him. "Yeah, your right. I just keep wanting to have the best time possible till... well we have to go down there. The scientists might think their ahead of the game, but they've been wrong before, man, and so many people lost their lives."
    Devin grimaced. "So, we should head to the teleporter?"

    The telecom suddenly blared. "All soliders report to main teleporter in sector A. Repeat, all soliders to main teleporter in sector A.
    Devin really wished he was one of those people gifted with strange abilities, to cast techniques. They seemed so much more capable, being able to teleport back to wherever they want with techniques. He and Jed weren't such lucky at all. Just humans, sent down to ragol with nothing but a saber and a rifle, and a few of the advanced monomates. He looked over at Jed and said "hey, well lets go. This is it, us and 108 other soliders going down to Ragol."
    "yeah."

    Chapter 2: First Contact
    Devin and Jed were warped down to Ragol, first actual connection with the planet itself. First thing, they found a cute little creature that resembled a chicken, on earth. "what the!" a trooper yelled. The commander aimed first, untill the creature went and 'hugged' him, so to speak. Jed was finally relieving himself of the fear of everything here, and Devin was cleaning his rifle. "I wonder why the scientists couldn't tell this animal was friendly?" Devin said.
    "Well, like I said before, i don't trust those silly scientists," said Jed.
    Suddenly the commander yelled out "All troops to attention!"
    The group suddenly stood as one, as their voices, and yelled "yes sir!"
    "Even though we have seen an example of friendly natives, there may still be more not so friendly!" he called.

    Jed leaned toward Devin, barely speaking in a whisper "I think these animals are just the beggining. I bet this whole area is normal, but somewhere on this planet, there is a huge evil.
    "well, hopefully we don't have to meet them, it, or whatever you want to reffer to the 'thing' or 'things'." Devin calmly responded
    "look, there is a huge animal, just east!" a trooper yelled.
    "steady, troops, and be at the ready! Train your sights on the animal. It may or may not be friendly," the commander said.
    Jed had a dangerous look in his eye, which told Devin he was ready to give himself up. "I will go check and see if it is ok, commander," he said.
    "Are you sure, trooper 103?" the Commander said ominously.
    "Yes. Give me a saber, Commander, and hope I get out alive. It's big," Jed said calmly. Or maybe it was just fright under careful control, thought Devin. Well anyway, he admired his friend for sticking up his fear and going over to the animal. Maybe it would be friendly, and it had to be the biggest one around, because it was really big. So if they were on our team, thought Devin, we could easily defeat other enemy's.

    Jed walked slowly over to the bear-like figure, and activated his saber. It gave a moan, of satisfaction or anger nobody knew. It started towards Jed, only to pick him up and carry him off. Nobody shot for fear of Jed's immediate life, so he was, indeed, carryed off. Jed's face was now obviously showing great terror, because he had dropped his saber as he was picked up. "Help!" he cried with fear layered in his voice. The panic was like a mesmer to the whole company of 110 people. "Jed! No!" Devin cried out.
    "It's too late, Devin. All we can do now is wait, and hope he lives. Jed is a pretty capable man, but this is one big beast," the Commander said to Devin, sadness in his voice.
    "No. I will go after him, and I don't care what you say."
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  2. #2
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    Default

    its easier to read if you put it in paragraph form and make a new paragraph every quote
    X-Koople[HUcast] | Aura-X[RAmarl] | §elzær[FOmar] | VexerKoop[HUney]

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  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by X-Koople
    make a new paragraph every quote
    I did, except when the person who i was writing about was talking.
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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by King Kahn
    Quote Originally Posted by X-Koople
    make a new paragraph every quote
    I did, except when the person who i was writing about was talking.
    oh i must have been in a daze lol
    X-Koople[HUcast] | Aura-X[RAmarl] | §elzær[FOmar] | VexerKoop[HUney]

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  5. #5
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    Pretty good... lol, maybe they should learn techniques.
    Leader in Team Darkfire (PSOBB)

    PSOBB is dying... TwT

    PSU is now FTUW!
    (For the Ultimate Win)

  6. #6
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    lol this was before most technique disks were made

    thanks for support guys. I'm tryingn not to make it a script lol.

    i knows its short
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  7. #7
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    added next chapter ;D i knows its short
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  8. #8
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    That's pretty good so far. I love it, if you want any help just pm me. Il be on in a few more days ;3
    Story Thread: http://tinyurl.com/2enuxv -Features:
    [COMING SOON]My PSO Story 2
    Rogues and Bonds (Open RP)
    My PSO Story - Ragol: Destroyed Paradise
    FFDUDE'S Fan Comic
    Knight's Of the Old Republic

  9. #9
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    Nice to see a story based around the begining of the incident, it means you will have so much fun explaining things as you experianced them the first time around. Il come back to keep reading as you progress,

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