Before typing anything, Iíd like to just say this: If you donít care about what I have to say, please do not write ďONONE CARESĒ or stuff like that. Please do not spam in this thread. If you donít care, show that you donít care by not posting. Thank you.
Isnít writing amazing? How is it possible that twenty-six little shapes can be formed into words that become thoughts that become speeches or essays or books that can move entire nations to peace, war, fear, or pride. Thatís why I enjoy writing. Most of my posts here are long not because I ďhave no lifeĒ or because ďI have too much time on my handsĒ but just because I feel that writing is an easy, fun, relaxing, and most of all effective way of communication. Itís fun to pick a word that defines an action so perfectly that you feel that youíre really hitting exactly what you want to say on the head. I also find it much more effective than speech. There is no stuttering, and you can edit whatever you want and then publish the final product. With speech, everything is the final product. (Even though I like writing better, Iíd still rather talk to a person than type to them.)
On this board though, I mainly use writing as a way of insulting people. Thatís fun, but I also type up problems that Iím having. I feel that after I am done typing up a problem I feel much better. Usually when I type about my life it is private to me and my real friends, but Nattackís recent problem made me feel like maybe I should share a recent entry that I made.
But before I do that, Iíd like to just mention a few things about myself, because I realize that no one here really has any idea of who I am. I started coming to the Sega boards in the middle of 2002, about a month after I bought NHL 2K2 for Dreamcast (Iím an NHL fan, go Flyers, and Iím a Dreamcast fan, go Sega). At first I thought that the boards were stupid, and I rarely ever checked them. Then at the end of 2003, about a year and a half later, I began casually checking the boards, and I started to enjoy them and the sad idiotic culture that has formed around the random forum section. Then when the boards turned to php I thought it was stupid, so I left again for a year until November of 2004. I started checking the boards occasionally until late December when I became more addicted. By the end of December I was checking them about once every two to three days, which is how often I check them now. I will never let myself get any more addicted to the boards than spending over a half an hour a day on them. Despite having been on the boards for a while, I never created account until January, and then in May I decided to make a separate account, OrangeSwirl, exclusively for posting in the random forum.
Although I made sure to never expose my gender, I found it interesting that everyone here assumed that I am male. Well, good assumption, because I am. Iím eighteen years old, I look like this: http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y11...n/IMG_4314.jpg (and if youíre too stupid to figure out which one is me, please check yourself into a local hospitalÖhintÖlook at my shirt...also I donít really know anyone else in this picture except the kid standing right next to me who is one of my best friends) and I currently attend college in Allentown, Pennsylvania. Before packing up for Allentown in August, I was born and raised in the great city of Philadelphia. I still of course return to my real home in Philadelphia on breaks. Iím on one now. I am also obsessed with birds, and ornithology is my life. Thatís why I hope to major in Biology at college, although the courses are very difficult right now for me.
I think thatís all I need to say about myself. Now hereís the story that Iíd like to share with all of you. It's a little bit old, but here it is anyway:
Ok, imagine this. Youíre sitting at a table with some of your friends when an attractive girl sits down that youíve seen around but youíve never met before. As with every other conversation that youíve ever had for more than ten minutes, the conversation slowly drifts over to Smash Brothers. Suddenly with great enthusiasm the girl jumps into the conversation and talks about how much she loves Smash Brothers too. Since about seven people in the world actually bought a GameCube, youíre the only one on campus who has Smash, and she is practically begging to play. So later that day you invite her over to play, and some of your neighbors join in on the fun. Then someone mentions that your college has bought out a movie theater for the night and theyíre showing a movie that neither you nor the girl has ever seen before, but itís gotten great reviews and everyone loves it. So you and the girl are both going to the movie tonight, and itís starting soon. So of course you go together, sit next to each other on the bus, and sit next to each other at the theater. During the ride to the theater and at the movie you chat with the girl and make comments about the movie or how the movie relates to college life. Then on the ride back you talk some more, but itís late so after the bus ride you part ways with her and go to sleep.
The next day, Sunday, has great shows on television. But youíve got no one to watch them with, and you want to see the girl again. So you invite her over and you both have a great time watching the shows and laughing at them, and then because you donít want to go back to doing work you talk with her for another hour or so before it becomes obvious that work is no longer avoidable.
Now itís the weekdays, so thereís less time for social life. But you have to eat dinner with someone at some point, but do you have the guts to ask her? It doesnít matter, she asks you to dinner. And so the two of you go to dinner every day for during the week. On Saturday you go to the nearby local marketplace with her to check out all of the cool food there. And on Sunday the shows are on again, so she comes over again. And then itís back to the weekdays and you continue to eat with her. You also discover that sheís in one of your classes, so you sit next to her and occasionally chitchat during class about how stupid some of the things you are learning about are. And before and after class youíll talk for a few minutes.
You feel that you are establishing a strong relationship with this girl, so you decide to be like Sega and ďtake it to the next level!Ē So you ask her that instead of eating the same old crap in the same old place everyday to go out to eat instead. She agrees, and on Saturday the two of you go out to a local restaurant. You pay. Your personalities fit perfectly. The two of you are in stitches the entire meal laughing, and the long wait for the food seems like a blessing. After the meal you go back to campus via the transportation service. When you get back she invites you up to her room and the two of you look at some pictures that she has of her high school friends and she tells you stories about them. Then you play some DDR on her PlayStation, her request. After that there is some stupid presentation at the college that she wants to check out. So the two of you go to it and watch it, laughing at it and making comments and having a good time. Then the two of you wander back to your room and talk for a while, and then itís late Ė 1 AM already?!?! So you walk her back to her dorm and give her a hug goodnight. And then the next day is Sunday so she comes over to watch the shows again and plays a few more rounds of Smash. Then comes two days of meals together and then Thanksgiving break.
During Thanksgiving break you feel sad that you are no longer with her everyday and the image of her face, the sound of her voice, the feeling of her presence is missed, making your feelings stronger. You talk to her on the instant messenger system each day to keep in touch.
You go back to school on Monday feeling happy that soon youíll be able to see her again. Youíre feeling confident Ė maybe itís time to tell her how you completely feel? You walk into the class that the two of you share with each other only to find that sheís sitting between two other people and thereís no room for you. No problem, itís probably not her fault Ė two people just sat down around her. Later that day you ask her to dinner and she accepts. You make your way to the eating area with her and sit down at a table. After a few minutes she looks at you with an oddly annoyed look Ė a look that youíve never seen before when directed towards you. Your heart hurts because you know that something is wrong. She tells you that the new haircut that you got over break looks stupid and that you are annoying. She tells you to stop wasting your time by hanging out with her. She stops talking to you and instead starts waving to people at the other tables, ignoring you and looking around the room anxiously as if she cannot wait to leave. Meanwhile youíre in shock. You have no idea how things just went from amazing to awful. You sit there stunned as if your heart of glass was just crushed by a heart of stone. You donít know how to react. When youíre done eating the two of you get up and go talk to these new friends that sheís just met, and you are introduced to a peppy and Ďhandsomeí blonde-haired guy who is full of life and contrasts your twisted dead personality as a result of your crushed spirit. Then the two of you exit the cafeteria area and walk back towards the dorm. Your eyes are glazed, you canít believe whatís happening and how everything has just fallen apart in what appears to be just a matter of minutes, and it has collapsed for no reason. All of the time you put into the relationship was suddenly burned in one-one thousandth of the time. You go back to your room and lie there staring at the ceiling trying to think of what you did wrong, but you cannot come up with anything.
Days pass and the two of you do not see each other. You think about her all the time. You see her face laughing at your jokes with her teeth flashing, you see her shining eyes looking at you lovingly Ė or what you thought was lovingly Ė and you see her beautiful face staring at yours Ė but only in your mind, just the relic memories from the past. The pain of your sadness is immense. Emotionally devastated and mentally ripped to shreds, you write an entry for your site.
I know that there are still some people who haven't read this yet (it's been up on ITIFE for a while), and would rather read it here. I was hesistent to post this on Sega though because it is much more personal and "heavier" (as Turbine described it) than the first part of the story. But, what the hell, here's the post. This story was written about a month and a half ago.
And now time for chapter two. Chapter one was written in the second person, because I wanted to convey the image that the situation that I was in could have easily happened to anyone, including ďyou.Ē But what happened after the end of November of 2005 isnít something that could happen to anyone. So I put this in the first person.
And so days of not talking to her turned to weeks. For a good long period of time I would wake up, and my mind would immediately think of her, and I would start every day with a flash of sadness. I wanted to talk to her, but for some reason I didnít. I decided to do the opposite of what I wanted to do, and I avoided her. I took long routes around campus to avoid her path. I tried to eat at more irregular times, or just make a meal in my room so that I wouldnít see her in the dining area. I sat on the opposite side of the large lecture hall as her in the class that we shared, and I made sure to never look at her. I assumed that if I looked into her face, I would return to the moment when I last saw it, the moment when she slashed me apart.
Keeping my eyes and body away from her was the easy part. My mind was the problem. I tried to avoid thinking of her by listening to music, playing games, or by not being alone. But music brings back memories. Like, have you ever listened to an old song from a few years ago, and it reminded you of how you felt back when you used to listen to it a lot? Well, the music just reminded me more of her. Playing games werenít as fun either, because it was an activity that we shared together. And hanging around with my friends just led to the inevitable question of ďhow come we never see you with that girl anymore?Ē I explained to everyone what happened; they were all surprised, because the decline was so sudden, at least from my point of view. I realized that by retelling this story and talking about her, I was only hurting myself. When she insulted me, she left me with a cut, and each day that passed that cut healed. But when I kept talking about the event that occurred, I was picking at that cut, and it wasnít healing. So I decided to try as hard as I could to act as if she was dead, and not respond to any questions about her or comment on her in anyway, in addition to avoiding her.
Through the month of December, this was excruciatingly painful and hard to do. I had to read hundreds of boring textbook pages, and that made my mind wonder, and it wasnít hard before it thought of a conversation I had with her. Or maybe Iíd be walking around campus and Iíd see something cool and Iíd think about how I could never show it to her, and how the part of my life with her was over. She was dead now. At the end of December, my winter break began, and I was off from school until late January.
The time away from her actually didnít make me think about her less as I would have expected. My sadness turned to hate, and I began to hate her with a passion for what she did. I went back to school for the second semester enraged. When people brought her up, I called her a stupid :):):):):), and I loved doing it. It was so much more satisfying to talk about her and trick myself into thinking that she was a horrible person than to ignore her completely. I was healing.
And then in early February, I found that my good friend from my seminar, who I knew well way back during the orientation in late August 2005, was interested in her. During orientation, I traveled around with a group of fifteen kids for three days and did all sorts of activities with them. A few weeks after orientation, my friend and I decided to race each other, for some reason. We started off running down the sidewalk, but then he tripped, fell on his face, cut his chin open, and cracked two of his teeth. Blood was pouring on the ground, but I had to attend a meeting, and I couldnít stay there and take care of him. Luckily two of his other friends were nearby and watching us race, and they helped him get to the medical facilities. I left and went to the meeting.
After that incident, we never spoke to each other much. I didnít know if he was angry at me or not. We ate dinner a few times in groups, and he never seemed very angry or upset with me, so I assumed that we were on good terms with each other. Anyway, he started to get interested in the girl, and he told some other girls from our seminar about his interest. Thatís when stuff started happening behind the scenes that I wasnít aware of until months later. The other girls from the seminar told him that, out of common courtesy, he should probably talk to me and ask if it was all right to start seeing this girl. A few weeks passed, and he began to get more involved with the girl. Thatís when two of the girls from our seminar asked my best friend, Jason, to go talk to him. Jason went to his room and explained to him that he needed to talk to me before pursuing relations with the girl any further. However, the guy never came to talk to me. Instead, he became irate, and began spamming up the girls from my seminarís and Jasonís Facebook accountís comment boxes, apparently swearing at them, and threatening them. I donít have Facebook, so I didnít get any messages. I also, remember, had no idea that any of this was happening. All that I knew was that he was interested in her.
So the months passed, and Iíd see them together occasionally around campus. Although I guess it would have been nice if he had come to talk to me about getting into a relationship with the girl, I didnít really care that they were together. At this point, she was nothing more than a -up idiot to me, so I didnít care what she did. Actually, the guy got terrible grades in our seminar, and his comments in class were all very simple-minded and stupid, so it made me feel even better to see that the girl was retarded enough to actually like this guy. I was feeling a lot better. I no longer woke up and thought about her. I was feeling hardly any pain anymore.
And thatís when I decided that I was healed enough to fight back and do something about my situation. I no longer had any feelings for her, so I now could try to screw around a bit. I decided to hold a party for everyone in my seminar. The party involved us watching R. Kelleyís ďTrapped in the ClosetĒ and playing Smash Brothers. In the email, I compared each person to a character in Smash Brothers. For example, one girl in the seminar likes singing, so I compared her to Jigglypuff. Anyway, when I got to this guy, I compared him to Bowser, and said that the reason for the comparison was because they both keep ďstealing the princess.Ē It was only a light joke.
So I sent the email out to all fifteen people in my seminar (remember, the girl was NOT in my seminar). One day later I got a reply email from the guy. It was a very angry email, and he clearly did not take what I typed as a joke. Here are some direct excerpts from the email:
"keep the cynical comments about us to yourselfÖIt's time you grow up and move onÖAnd in case you really wanted to know, I didnt steal her cause she never wanted you anyway. I hope thats the last time I hear from you about us, it's getting pathetic.Ē
I wasnít expecting this type of reaction (remember, I didnít know about how he could be so insane in Facebook comments), and after some thinking, I wrote a very relaxed reply to him and explained to him that it was only a joke. He responded by telling me that he was still upset at me for leaving him all those months ago when he slipped while we were racing, and basically that I should stop talking to him.
So more time passed, and eventually, as you could expect from someone with such an anger problem, the two of them had a rough break-up. And as they were breaking up, I heard the story that I typed above, of how the other girls from my seminar stood up and defended me, even though I honestly couldnít of cared less. Apparently their break-up included the two of them standing up and giving each other the middle finger from across the dining hall, in front of everyone, and also some angry instant messenger conversations. This made me heal even more, as I realized how immature this girl could be.
By April 27th, 2006, almost five months after the terrible day of November 29th, 2005, I was fully healed. I hadnít thought about the girl in a sad manner in such a long time, and I was interested in seeing other people. But, that would also be the day that she re-entered my life. I was getting food at the smaller cafeteria area when she approached me. I can still remember her words. ďI donít know how much you know about this last relationship that Iíve been in, but itís taught me how awful some people can be. Iíve been feeling really bad about what I did to you and Iím sorry for what I said. I just wanted to let you know that you are a good person. I guess Iím just a heartbreaker.Ē And then she hugged me, and it looked like she was going to cry. After that we parted.
The semester ended in early May, but before the we left for summer break, I wanted to talk to her and find out the answers to the questions that I had about exactly why she decided to leave me so suddenly. So I kept on the look out for her, but classes were over and I couldnít find her. So I emailed her and asked her if she wanted to have dinner before the semester ended. But I never got back a response.
A day after the email, I found out the shocking news from my next-door neighborís girlfriend. Apparently two nights before I send the email, she had been at a party, drinking. I found this odd, because she never drank when we were seeing each other. Anyway, she was at the party, and things started getting intense for her. One of the stupidest things about her is that sheís so beautiful, but she doesnít realize it, so it gets her in trouble. So a group of guys, who were probably also drunk, started to try to molest her. I donít know exactly what they did, but she ran out of the party as fast as she could, and banged on her old boyfriendís door. He wasnít there though, as he was finished for the semester, and he had packed up and left. His roommate explained that to her, and she left, crying and in a state of confusion. The next day her parents came, packed up all of her stuff, and left with her, even though she hadnít finished her finals.
After hearing this news I was very disturbed and saddened that someone would try to hurt her like that. It was a new feeling for me, that someone close to me had been a victim of a physical crime. And so she was gone. To this day, nearly three weeks after it was sent, my email remains unanswered.
If youíve read all this, thanks. Also, youíre not ADD, so congratulations.