This is my first story since I left the fanfiction group,
Few were talking the silent breathing was starting to get to Twille as she stared at the thin floating screen in front of her. It had to have been at least a minute since her breathe last drew, the horrible pain in her lungs. Yet the display in front of her was worse, with the words "Alert, Alert all hunters to the principle imediatlly state of panic is in power" slowly revolving around the top and bottom corners of her screen. The merories she just attained she already wished she hadn't the mass explosion and violent slaughter of so many people.
It started out as an interview with a Hunter on ragol with hundreds(at least) attending. When a crack in the ground formed and ripped straight up when the screen turned to three colors,red,orange, and yellow the colors of an fiery explosion. When the screens came back there was a giant head sticking out of the ground similar to a dragon's head from some fable. The head breathed fire and ripped apart so many people,Defensless people. It was so unbearable to watch, yet they gathered to celebrate the desturction of all hostile animals on Ragol... What had happened??
End of chap 1
"TWILLE! GET IN HERE! and bring those papers I asked for!"
"Yes, Sir" she said her boss was also the most respected hunter in the "LAB" he was such a high rank he could boss the principle around,but he didn't. His name was Almah(ALL-ME-h), he just so happend to be the very same Almah as the crush Twille used to have.
Twille slowly walked into her bosses room, where the mountains of paper work seemed to sway,and handed him the papers.
"Just like you asked,sir"
It looks like you have the beginnings of a good story going here. If I may suggest though, it might help if you reread what you write. It seems a little hard to understand in parts.
"The merories she just attained she already wished she hadn't the mass explosion and violent slaughter of so many people."
might sound better if it read something like this:
"She wished she didn't have these memories, memories of the huge explosion that slaughter of so many innocent people."
The man fell to the ground in a heap with Allmah and Twille looking upon him. The dead man in a pool on the floor in front of the most respected Hunter in all of pioneer 2,Plus it was in his office. Allmah drew his weapon (can someone post a good weapon for this part) and rushed out the door to meet the murderer, but to find nothing at all. With the murderer gone this would be seen as all Allmah's fault in the eyed of the council, and who would do such wrong after the violent slaughter in a distressed time? Nobody came to mind.
Find out more soon!